What If…

I fear the word FEAR. It’s stares me straight in the face and doesn’t back down. The word itself makes me uncomfortable, without even delving into its implications on my life. The truth of the matter is that everyone struggles with a fear of some sort. It can be an exam, a court apprearance, speaking in front of people or confronting someone–the list can truly go on. Not that one fear is less than any other, but for me at least, I realize there are deeper fears. I’m talking about the kind we really don’t want anyone to know about, once we realize the grip it has on us. Or maybe it’s something we’ve continually brushed aside and “dealt” with the only way we knew how. How about the thought of losing a spouse, child, or a close friend? Whatever keeps us up at night or causes us to deal with it by withdrawing from others, that is the very thing Satan will prey on. He wants to mess with your thoughts and try to distort who you know God to be. As A.W. Tozer says, believing a thought of God that is less than His nature as revealed in scripture is a false god, or an idol. The truth is, if Satan can get us to think God doesn’t care about ALL of our days, then we fall directly into his trap. Everything becomes an easier attack–if we’re wounded by our perception of God, then Satan can easily capitalize on what we fear most……As Beth Moore would say, Does anyone know what I’m saying?!

Through doing an in-depth bible study on the book of Esther by Beth Moore, God has been exposing much of these hard and difficult issues in my life. It’s not fun, nor is it easy. I surely did not think I was  completely done being worked on by the Potter, but it never ceases to amaze me that being broken in His hands still hurts. I NEVER thought I would blog about it, but my prayer is that another shackle will be unbound and that others truly can benefit from it too.  

The hard truth is that one day, my greatest fear may come true…or worse, what if all my fears did??!! But for the sake of putting it all out on the table, what if?  I need to be confronted with these fears, not so that I can go die completely unfulfilled, but rather to truly confront them and say, “Ok, is my Redeemer’s grace only sufficient if no harm befalls me and I get all the good things I desire?”……”Can I live with feeling that I was let down, uncared for or forgotten by my Savior–the One who said I’d have an abundant life?”……I hate even writing these sentences, but the truth is, we’ve all been confronted with something similar. I realize even in that last question, there’s already a distorted view of God’s unchanging character (Everlasting, Faithful, Comforter, Provider, Healer, Friend, Peace, Banner, Lover, Redeemer, Deliverer, Father, All Powerful, Righteousness…)

What I’m learning through this study isn’t anything new per-se, but it’s SO raw. It confronts me again and again with my need of seeing and understanding God rightly, not out of emotions or fear but of who He says He is and promises to always be. It’s a battle in our minds that the Lord desires our Victory. I need to draw the line in the sand regarding my Faith during the process of changing old thoughts. It’s also believing that we can take the courage Christ willingly offers over and over–“Take heart, I have overcome!” (John 16:33). The most frequent imperative that our Lord continually says throughout scripture is, “Do not fear! Take heart! Take courage!”…Do you think we need to hear it over and over again? He’s continually offering Himself, but will we take it? 

So, the wretchedly-beautiful confrontation of Divine and Dust begins. He’s not after a quick fix either. The Lord is rebuilding us with better materials. The Lord is gracious and compassoinate, abounding in lovingkindness; He doesn’t grow tired or weary, His understanding has no limits. Praise God! 

He makes my feet like the feet of the deer; He enables me to stand on the heights (above our fears!) –Psalm 18:33. Check out all of Psalm 18~It’s a blessing


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